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Forgetful Lucy
14 October 2014 @ 12:01 am
I just want to be me, you know? I'm feeling very caged and constrained these days that while I have this good thing going for me (at least I think it's a good thing), all I feel right now is sadness.

Why do I have to adjust and change some parts of me in order to be liked or loved? CAN'T I JUST BE ME IN PEACE? Why did I even listen, let alone, actually follow my mom's and my aunt's advice?? God. I just want to feel like myself again. I want to be able to like what I like or love what I love (or maybe even who).

I spent the latter years of my life being told that I can't be one thing and I complied with these orders because I had no choice in the matter. I had to keep some parts of me hidden because I didn't have the freedom then, and I guess I still don't have it now. I just need to feel like myself again. I don't want to lose myself over some idiotic need to be more approachable or accessible. Or because my mother can't seem to accept that I also like girls. I. Just. Want. To. Be. Me.

I just want to stop feeling sad about all this and feel like myself again.
Forgetful Lucy
26 November 2012 @ 05:04 pm

I have been friends with Patricia for almost eight years now.

It started off innocently enough -- we were classmates Freshman year (high school) and bonded over our shared love for books, music and being ~*emo*~ For real, though. We would opt to stay in our classroom and eat during our break instead of going to the canteen to, god forbid, mingle. I mean, it was probably what we should have done, seeing as how we were fresh meat and meeting new people/friends is always a nice experience (somewhat questionable). But we didn't and I guess our mutual agreement over nursing our wounds strengthened our bond even more.

We would literally spend hours talking on the phone, reading to each other (quotes from Xanga!). We would sync our iPods and sing along to whatever Disney song we fancied that day and talk about our feelings. She understood my familial baggage, and I her, and I guess that's what made us both decide to proclaim each other as Best Friends Forever come Sophomore year (among other things). But then she left for Malta Junior year...

And while she would come home at least once a year, WHICH IS JUST THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER, most days, I still pray that she would come back home for good. I mean, yeah, we would exchange a few emails, Skype whenever we're both relatively devoid of school/work, tweet each other, etc. but the different time zones basically ruins all the fun. Whenever I eat/go somewhere new and exciting, I think about how it would be so much fun if she were here and she's the first person that comes to mind whenever I need someone to talk to because, really, there's just no pressure. I don't need her to tell me everything is going to be fine; I just need her to listen and be there.

She emailed me on my last birthday and I remember crying when I read her message. I was touched, sure, but mostly I cried because most of what she said were true and I had only realized it then.

"We are independent of each other now, having separate lives and running with different circle of friends."

Fair (9)

School fair!

BFF Sleepover Part I (September 10-11, 2010) (31)


Pacha's Visit '12 (9)

(Pacha's last visit)

But I've realized that despite all the changes (i.e. different continents/timezones/lives), it doesn't really matter so much because at the end of the day, she's still my best friend and you know what? Nothing can really change that.

(this is totes us, beeteedubs)

Cristina: What are you doing? Stop it.
Meredith: What's the plan? You have bony, sharp fingers.
Cristina: What plan? There's no plan.
Meredith: Your plan, which makes it our plan. Whatever it is, I need to know. Are you plotting a murder, a nuclear attack? It's fine. I'll get on board. I'm sure you have a good reason. But just let me know. You're starting to freak me out.

Meredith & Cristina (1)

Forgetful Lucy
18 September 2012 @ 11:45 pm

I love you but I've chosen darkness.

I swear it; I will marry whoever gets this reference without having to Google it (yes, both allusions).

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Forgetful Lucy
20 August 2012 @ 10:26 am

I don't need to know where you've been; I just want to know where your heart is.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Forgetful Lucy
02 August 2012 @ 10:37 pm

No, this isn't some romantic post about a chance I might have missed (let's save that for another one 'cause it's probably going to be lengthy and whiny), but something, *gasp*, school-related.

I honestly didn't choose this path -- I didn't even know I would be majoring in Psychology & Business Management, if you had asked me six years ago. I was dumb enough to have ignored the damn view book when I was a senior in high school so now I'm here. Balancing both Humanities and a Business degree.

Growing up, I always thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life and what career path I would eventually choose. I always wanted to be a lawyer but somehow, I knew I was going to end up managing a business of my own because that was what everyone expected of me. Then college happened.

I shifted two (or maybe three) times till I finally figured out what I wanted. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I WAS CONFUSED, FOR PETE'S SAKE. I had shifted from: Literature & Applied Corporate Management (my original course), to:

- Communication Arts & Applied Corporate Management
- Psychology & Applied Corporate Management
- And finally, Psychology & Business Management

It actually took four Comm-Arts major subjects to make me realize how miserable I was. I mean, I was settling for 2.0s, dammit. So I decided to shift (THREE TIMES) and now I'm here.

I guess, sometimes, I still wonder how my life would have turned out if I had chosen to stay in Comm-Arts. I would always have these thoughts plaguing my mind whenever my friends and I would discuss films (Cinemalaya!) and the media (Yellow Journalism!) or whatnot. But then I realize how contented I am right now with how my life is going (academically)...

So then I think that, maybe, I had made the right decision. Maybe.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.