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14 October 2014 @ 12:01 am
I want to feel like myself again  
I just want to be me, you know? I'm feeling very caged and constrained these days that while I have this good thing going for me (at least I think it's a good thing), all I feel right now is sadness.

Why do I have to adjust and change some parts of me in order to be liked or loved? CAN'T I JUST BE ME IN PEACE? Why did I even listen, let alone, actually follow my mom's and my aunt's advice?? God. I just want to feel like myself again. I want to be able to like what I like or love what I love (or maybe even who).

I spent the latter years of my life being told that I can't be one thing and I complied with these orders because I had no choice in the matter. I had to keep some parts of me hidden because I didn't have the freedom then, and I guess I still don't have it now. I just need to feel like myself again. I don't want to lose myself over some idiotic need to be more approachable or accessible. Or because my mother can't seem to accept that I also like girls. I. Just. Want. To. Be. Me.

I just want to stop feeling sad about all this and feel like myself again.